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Right then, fancy a bit of this, do ya? It's not just a… well, it's not *nothing*, put it that way. This here marvel – let's call it a ‘thingamajig’ for the sake of a bit of mystery, eh? – has been crafted with the very finest… bits and bobs, that is. It’s been through more hands than a particularly popular pub quiz trophy, and each touch has imbued it with a certain… *je ne sais quoi*. Think of it as a conversation starter, a paperweight with attitude, a potential portal to another dimension (results may vary). Honestly, you’ll be the talk of the town. Your mates will be green with envy. Your Nan will ask what on earth it is, and you'll get to regale her with a tale of intrigue. Go on, treat yourself. You deserve a bit of this, you do. You really, really do.
